Just Keep Breathing
by lightingpaperlanterns
Summary: The Catalyst: Lily Evans receiving the worst news of her life.  When something terrible happens in Lily's life, it's all downhill from there.  But can she be saved from the never ending spiral of depression by just the person she never thought it'd be?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there :)  
I know, I've already done a L/J fic, but I had this brilliant idea, and it's going to be completely different from my other one. I really hope you enjoy it, and please, please, read and review and comment and give me any advice, because I love getting advice! And emails! Anyway, on with the story :)**

**Just Keep Breathing: Chapter One **

_Dear Diary,_

_ I feel really bad about how I treated Sev at the end of last year. I mean, yes, he did call me a … - but we've been friends for five years. Can a friendship like that end that quickly? He was my first real friend, the one who not only accepted my freakishness, but the first person I met that was a wizard like myself. We were inseperable for a few years then – and then he started spending more time with his Slytherin friends, who, unfortunately, are really into Dark Magic. _

_ Maybe it's one of those cases where he's hanging out with the wrong crowd. I mean, I know he's a good person somewhere deep down, but he's not showing it, and I don't think I can be friends with somebody like that. And, I mean, everybody wonders why I still hung out with him all that time, and why I thought he was a good guy. _

_ You know what, maybe Potter was right, maybe Sev is a jerk. Well, that doesn't mean Potter's not. Potter's a git, actually, and I hate the fact that I might actually agree with him on this one. You know -_

"Uh, Tigger, can you please get off?" Lily Evans asked her cat angrily. She'd been right in the middle of a rant about the two men – no, they didn't deserve to be called that – boys that she hated the most in the world, when her cat had decided that it wanted to be petted.

"Come on, this isn't funny," she told him, nudging him. "Get off!"

"Lily?" her sister, Petunia asked from the doorway. "Uh, mum and dad said that they need to talk to us, right now." Lily noticed that Petunia was surprisingly quiet and not unhappy to have to talk to her sister – which meant that something was wrong.

"What's up?" Lily asked, concern sprouting in her voice. "Tuney, what's wrong?"

"I don't know!" she snapped, reverting back to her normal self for a moment. "Just... can you come downstairs?"

"Yeah," Lily nodded, putting her pen down and leaving Tigger covering her journal. She never finished her journal entry.

* * *

The rest of the Summer passed in a daze. Lily stuck to her monotonous and boring routine, which consisted of three daily meals, feeding her cat, and staring out of her bedroom window for countless hours, thinking over her current predicament. What was she going to do?

She had two choices: she could stay at home and attend a Muggle high school that year, which meant that she would be closer to home in case anything bad happened; or she could return to Hogwarts and risk not being there for dire circumstances.

It was during one of her staring out the window sessions when Petunia knocked on her sister's door. Lily didn't answer.

Petunia walked in anyway, and sat down at the desk, spotting the journal entry from several days previously. She started to read it, but then realised that she probably shouldn't, and put it up on one of the higher shelves. Then, she swivelled around to talk to her sister.

"What are you thinking about?" Petunia asked.

"Nothing," Lily lied.

"Lily, I know we don't really get along anymore, and I know you're gone for most of the year, but I do still recognise when something's wrong with you, okay? And, in case you haven't noticed, this affects me too, so I'm probably one of the only ones you can talk to about this."

"Go away," Lily said quietly, turning over in her bed so that she was facing the wall, away from Petunia.

That was when Petunia spotted the stack of letters, piled haphazardly on the desk. Confused, she picked them up and started filing through them. Petunia guessed that they were all from the past few days, as Lily had been rather withdrawn during that time period, but she then noticed that they were going back well into the past month. Most were from the same person, but a few further up the top were from other people. All were simply addressed to 'Lily Evans'.

"Who are all these letters from?" Petunia asked interestedly.

"GET OUT!" Lily screamed at her sister, sitting up in bed, her nostril's flaring.

Petunia jumped preemptively, ready for an ornament to drop off one of the shelves, or a stuffed animal to come flying at her, but nothing happened. Petunia stared at her sister in wonder.

Lily, though she hadn't realised it yet, was surprised as well. Normally when she lost her temper, some magic seeped through and strange things occurred. Had she finally controlled it? Or – even worse – had the recent shock that had turned her world around stunted her magic?

"Fine," Petunia said, "I'm leaving. But your school booklist is here. I thought you might need it to get your books before you go back to school this year."

Lily glared at her sister, who then left the room.

* * *

Petunia was eating ice-cream on the last day of the Summer holidays when there was a knock on the door. Taking her bowl with her, she opened the door.

"Hi," she said, looking at the girl on the other side of the door, who was dressed very oddly. "You're Lily's friend?"

"How did you know?" she asked cheerily. "I'm Alice Prewett."

"Wild guess," Petunia said, glancing at the girl's attire again. "Well, she's upstairs, but I don't guarantee she'll talk to you."

"Thank you," Alice replied, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and following Petunia into the house.

"First door on the left," Petunia told Alice, before heading back to the kitchen.

Alice, who had been deeply concerned about Lily the past few weeks, as she hadn't replied to any of the letters that she'd sent, restrained herself from running up the staircase to talk to her friend. When she got there, however, she knocked furiously on the door.

"GO AWAY!" came the angry voice of Lily Evans from inside. This startled Alice more than the unanswered letters did. She turned the door handle, only to find that it was locked. Being underage, Alice didn't dare use magic to unlock the door... yet.

"Lilian Samantha Evans, you open this door right now before I break it down!" she called through the wood.

She could almost feel Lily's surprise at this.

"I don't want to talk to you," Lily finally answered, and didn't make any effort to unlock the door.

"If that's how you want to do this," Alice muttered to herself, pulling out of her back pocket her wallet. She hadn't been serious when she said she was going to break down the door, but she was still going to get into that room if it was the last thing she did.

Sorting through the wallet, she finally found what she was looking for – a copy of a hotel key card from a muggle hotel that her father had made so that Alice was able to get in and out as she pleased, back from when they'd stayed in America for a month. Alice had seen this trick used before on television, and hoped that she could get it right, as she only had one card.

Thankfully, it did, and the door clicked open. Lily turned around and sat up in her bed, staring at Alice. "How did you know how to do that?"

"Picked it up somewhere," Alice replied, holding up the mangled key card. "Hey, at least it worked," she shrugged.

"What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I think a better question is – why the HELL haven't you been answering my letters? We had a great penpal relationship going for a while there, and then suddenly one day – nothing! Do you know how scared I got? I thought you'd been killed or something – and don't tell me that that's stupid, because in times like these it's a very real possibility. Mum wouldn't even let me come and check up on you! The only reason I am here is because I told mum that I was going to go visit Frank."

"Frank Longbottom?" Lily asked. "Why would you go visit him? Isn't he in seventh year this year?"

"Oh, yeah, you would know I'm going out with him if you'd read my freaking letters!" she said. "What's going on with you?"

Lily sighed and turned away from her friend. "I don't want to talk about it," she replied, and resumed her usual pastime of staring out the window.

"Too bad, sunshine," Alice said, planting herself in Lily's desk chair. "I'm not leaving until you do."

"Alice, just stop trying to help. There's nothing you can do, so why even bother, okay? Just leave."

"What makes you think there's nothing I can do to help?"

"I don't think, I know," Lily snapped.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked one more time.

Lily didn't answer her, but continued staring out the window. Alice rolled her eyes and spun around in the swivel chair that lived in front of Lily's desk. She too, spotted the stack of letters. Interested, she picked it up and started flicking through them. There had been one a day from Alice for the past three weeks, there was a Hogwarts letter in there, and every single day since the beginning of the Summer holidays, there was a letter from Severus Snape. And every single letter was unopened.

"Lily, why haven't you opened your Hogwarts letter?"

"I'm not going back this year," Lily replied, still staring at the sky.

"You're joking," Alice laughed. "Of course you're going back."

"I'm not," Lily said, not facing her friend. She didn't want Alice to know that she was crying. "Something's come up. You're going to have to go without me."

Alice finally gave up. "If that's what you want, then I'm not going to stop you," Alice snapped. "I would say see you at school, but you're not going. So, I guess I'll never see you again?"

"Probably, yeah," Lily said, bored. "Bye, Alice."

As Alice left Lily's bedroom and house, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was really wrong with Lily.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys!**

**So, I know I posted the first chapter less than 24 hours ago, but it had such a phenomenal response, and everybody wanted more, so I've given in. Here, I present to you, the second chapter of the story. And this isn't likely to happen again, because I haven't finished writing the third chapter yet. **

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers:**

**Happy Reveiwer **(you spelt that wrong, if you're reading, by the way)**; Jessluvsharry; princessofdarkness23; Lycoris B **(Team Ron :P)**;  
****Snatching At Dreams **(sorry, you won't find out much more in this chapter either)**; and faceofboewearingafez **(as Laura)

**I can honestly say you guys made my day/night, and it meant so much to me that you guys read and reviewed! And most importantly, liked it!**

**So, enjoy this next chapter, and I would love your feedback for the first time, or again! **

**Love, gabiellexx**

**Just Keep Breathing: Chapter Two**

Remus Lupin waited in the prefect's carriage for his fellow sixth-year Gyffindor prefect to arrive, ready for the meeting. This years Head Boy and Girl were both Ravenclaws, twins, and they decided not to start the meeting without all prefects present, but their patience was running thin.

"We're going to have to start," Kenneth James announced, half an hour into the trip. "Without Lily Evans," he clarified as Remus started to object. "First of all, welcome to our new prefects, from all four houses. Congratulations. It is an honour to be selected to be a prefect."

"Now," Hannah James continued, "we just have a few things to go over. Prefects are required to conduct patrols twice a week, on the first and seventh floors. This is so that we catch any students attempting to enter Hogwarts grounds, or any students planning on making their way up to the astronomy tower for a little midnight make-out session under the stars."

"In addition to patrols, Hannah and myself will occasionally ask you to do extra. For example, tonight, after the feast, the fifth year prefects will be required to lead the first years to their respective common rooms. Also, you will be required to patrol the train compartments before we arrive at Hogwarts. Fifth years will do this for the first two hours, followed by the sixth years, then the seventh years."

"The prefects also have their own bathroom," Hannah beamed. "It is not necessary that you use this, but it has an awesome bath!"

Kenneth raised his eyebrows at her.

"Anyway," she continued. "This bathroom is on the fourth floor, and the password is 'bubbles'. Are there any questions?"

Nobody raised their hands.

"On the table over here is a piece of parchment for Gyffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin prefects with your Common Room password on it. You must make sure everybody in your house knows this password, and nobody else, is that understood? Very well. Fifth years, go patrolling."

The very scared fifth years got up from their seats, grabbed their pieces of parchment, and headed off for the rest of the train, the rest of the prefects following.

Remus took his time heading back to join his friends at the back of the train. He would later pretend that he was just trying to clear his head, but he knew that he was checking every single compartment for the fiery red hair of his fellow prefect, Lily. It was extremely disconcerting that Lily had skipped the prefect's meeting, and it was even more disconcerting to Remus that she ended up not being on the train at all. When he finally reached the Marauder's carriage at the end, he had been biting down on his lower lip in nervousness so that it had started to bleed.

"Moony!" Sirius Black boomed, clapping his friend on the back. "We thought you'd gotten lost. We were about to send out a search party!"

"Yeah, Moony, what took you so long?" James Potter asked. "I was a little bit worried."

"I was just... clearing my head," Remus lied, which wasn't missed by his two black-haired friends. His other friend, Peter, on the other hand, nodded and returned to reading one of his spell books.

"What subjects are you doing this year, Moony?" Sirius asked, pretending not to notice that his friend was preoccupied. If Lupin wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, then Sirius and James would let that happen... for now.

"Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Arithmancy, Herbology," Remus replied, narrowing his eyes. "You?"

"Same, except I'm ditching Herbology for Muggle Studies," Sirius beamed.

"Muggle studies?" James asked. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Sirius grinned. "There's this thing that I really want... It's called a motorcycle, and basically, it's a hunk of metal on two wheels, and you can drive it. It's sort of like a car."

"Well, I'm doing DADA, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology and Potions," James said. "Yeah, I know, I'm boring, you don't have to keep going on about it," he added to Sirius.

"You're not doing an extra?" Sirius asked.

"Nah, it means I get an extra free," James said, obviously teasing his best mate.

At that moment, the compartment door slid open, and a blonde girl from their year popped her head in and looked around at them.

"This might seem like a bit of a stupid question," Alice started, "but have any of you guys seen Lily today?"

"Nope," James shrugged, "but she's avoiding me at all costs, so I kind of expected that."

"I don't think she's on the train," Remus answered. "Why?"

"Because that's exactly what I was afraid of," Alice smiled grimly. "Thanks, Remus."

"Hold on!" Remus shouted, as Alice started to close the door. She paused.

"Why were you afraid that Lily wasn't going to be on the train?"

Alice looked around the compartment and wondered whether she should tell them the truth. Well, she reasoned, they'd find out eventually anyway. "It's weird," she sighed, "but about three weeks ago, she stopped answering my letters. I went to go see her yesterday, and she told me that she wasn't coming back to Hogwarts, but she wouldn't tell me why. Do any of you guys have any ideas?"

"She's not coming back?" James asked, and his cheery mood from a few moments previously was replaced by something similar to heartbreak. "Why not?"

"I just told you, Potter, I don't know!" Alice snapped. "Sirius?"

"I'm just brainstorming reasons why she wouldn't come back," he said, pulling out a piece of parchment and a self-inking quill. Five minutes later, he had a list full of possibilities.

_ Snape; Snape; Potter was an idiot; Black was an idiot; She found out what Lupin's "furry little problem" was; Snape; Death in the family; She's lost her magic._

"Black, that's the stupidest list of reasons I've ever seen in my life," James said. "Honestly, how does somebody 'lose their magic'?"

"I've heard of it happening," Alice said. "I mean, it doesn't happen all that often, but... Well, I know it can happen when somebody gets tortured enough. Or when they've spent a while in Azkaban. Or when they've experienced a traumatic experience in their life, they can lose their magic."

"Okay then, next question: Alice, when you went to visit Lily, did she say anything about a death in the family?"

"I think that if there was a death in the family, she wouldn't want to stay at home," Remus said. "I mean, there would be no reason. I think a more likely reason for that one would be that somebody in her family is going to die."

"I didn't get that vibe from her," Alice said. "Sorry, guys."

"Okay, next item: Lupin's "furry little problem"," Sirius grinned.

"Crossing that off," Remus said, skirting around this discussion – he knew that Sirius had been joking when he'd added it to the list, but he still wasn't comfortable with it being mentioned in front of friends that didn't know about it. "We've got Prongs and Padfoot being idiots – jerks would be a more appropriate term – and Snape."

"No way, guys, Lily wouldn't stay away from school just because you guys are jerks, and because she's had a falling out with her best friend. She's stronger than that."

"Which means we're back to the other two reasons," Sirius said. "Either she's lost her magic, or somebody in her family is going to die."

"Or both," Alice said, with a sinking feeling in her stomach that told her that this may just have an element of truth to it.

"So," James said, a air of confidence in his voice. "What do we do to get her back here?"

* * *

While Lily Evans would normally be on the train to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at this time of year, this year, she was on her way to the hospital where her father was currently staying. This had been the first time she'd brought herself to be able to leave the house, and it was only because she knew she wouldn't see anybody she knew, because they were all on the train to Hogwarts.

Wrenching herself away from her bedroom window hadn't been as hard as she thought it would be. At least, not for this. If she was going to school, it would be a completely different matter. But she was somehow content with the knowledge that if her father's condition worsened, she would only be a phone call away, rather than an owl and Knight-Bus trip away. Besides, she thought to herself, her magic wasn't working properly anyway.

She thought she'd be okay with this, she reminded herself as she walked into her father's hospital room. She definitely wasn't, however, as she realised when she broke down in tears upon looking at his frail form on the bed. He wasn't even strong enough to walk!

Petunia put her hand on her sister's shoulder, letting Lily know that she was there should she need her. And need her she did. Lily immediately buried her face into her sister's chest, choking back sobs. Now that he was sick, Lily realised that the five years she'd spent at Hogwarts was time she'd spent away from her family – a grave mistake in any case. If Lily had been at home, maybe she wouldn't feel as guilty as she did now for all the lost hours she could have been spending with her parents. She should never have agreed to go to that stupid school in the first place!

Eventually, she found herself holding her father's hand while sitting next to him on the bed. Not a word was said between them on that visit, but Lily walked away feeling as though it was the best conversation they'd had in a long time. And that night, Lily perused the Muggle paper, looking for a job that she could apply for.

_

* * *

Dear Alice,_

_Please, please forgive me. I know I was unnecessarily rude to you when you came to visit me. You were just trying to make sure I was okay, and that's one of the reasons I love you. To answer your questions, I'm not okay at the moment. But I stand by my earlier promise: you can't help me, as much as either of us want you to be able to. I still don't think I'm ready to share my reasoning yet, but I'm standing by my decision not to return to Hogwarts this year. It was wrong of me to go in the first place, and I am now facing the consequences of five wasted years with my family. _

_Don't worry about me, please. I applied for some jobs in my area, and a firm that sells drills answered! I'm going to be a secretary for them – basically, I'm going to be writing letters, filling out forms, answering phones, and copying things. The pay is good, and it means that I can stay at home with my family._

_I'm really sorry, Alice, and I hope you can forgive me for the past few weeks. I've been a bit of a bitch, to be honest._

_Love, forever and always, _

_Lil.E_

"What on earth does that mean?" Sirius asked. He, James, Remus and Alice were sitting in a corner of the common room after everybody had gone to bed, and Alice had just read him the letter. "What did she say? 'It was wrong of me to go in the first place'?"

"Beats me," Alice said. "I don't know, maybe somebody in her family is dying."

"That would make sense," Remus said.

The other three stared at him. "What?" he defended himself. "She said 'I am now facing the consequences of five wasted years with my family.'"

"So?" James asked.

"Well, that obviously means she feels guilty," Remus explained. "Look, when my father died, I was at school, and I felt completely horrible for not being there, and I felt even more horrible when I realised that while I was at school, I wasn't even able to get to know him, or even talk to him. I went through a pretty rough patch there, if you remember."

"Yeah," Sirius said. "I remember. It was a full moon, wasn't it Prongs?"

"Yeah," James nodded, and Remus shot them both a warning look, the meaning of which was very clear: Alice doesn't know. "Okay, here's a question," James said, changing the subject. "What in the name of Merlin's saggiest y-fronts, is a phone?"

"Well," Sirius said, launching into an explanation, "it's this Muggle contraption, and I'm not sure exactly how it works, but you talk into it, and you can talk to somebody else on the other end. Sort of like how you can use the Floo Network to talk to other people, except you don't need a fireplace, and you can't see the other person's head."

"Oh, great!" James grinned. "Maybe we should get some of them so I don't have to see your face while I'm talking to you!"

"Hey!" Sirius laughed. "I resent that!"

"Um, can we get back to the letter now?" Alice asked, waving her hands and pointing down to the table.

"Right, sorry," Sirius said. "Well, she's got a job at a Muggle place."

"What does that mean?" James asked.

"It means she's given up on a career in anything magical," Sirius said. "If she wanted a magical job, she could have got one. Places like Diagon Alley and the Ministry of Magic and Quidditch places... stuff like that."

"Lily doesn't like Quidditch," James told him. "She's never even been to a school match."

Alice and Remus deliberately avoided eye contact. Lily had, in fact, been to every single school match where James would have been absent from the crowd, and she'd kept it a secret from him because she didn't want him to know that she had an interest in something he loved. Thankfully, James was too preoccupied on the meaning of the letter to notice this right now.

"Okay," Remus said. "I think she's doing it so that she can stay at home with her family – she said that she took the job because she can stay at home with her family, not that she's staying home with her family because she wanted a job."

"Good point, Moony," Sirius said. "So, this is what we know: Lily's going cold turkey on magic; she wants to stay at home; and she feels guilty for not spending time with her family while she's been at school."

"It all points to a sick family member," Remus said grimly.

"Poor Lily," Sirius said. "I can't begin to imagine what she's going through."


	3. Chapter 3

**Just Keep Breathing: Chapter Three**

"Non-verbal spells!" Professor Kadan, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher announced.

"Save the speech," Jeremy Goyle sniggered. "We've had it from all our other teachers."

"You know, Jeremy," Sirius said, "I'm genuinely surprised you passed your Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Who did you pay to sit it for you this time?"

"Felix Mark Jacobs," he grinned.

The rest of the class raised their eyebrows and giggled. Goyle, apparently, appeared not to realise that he'd said something he shouldn't have. The teacher pretended not to hear this exchange.

"Well, now that you're at N.E.W.T. Level, you should all be able to master the non-verbal spell. How does one accomplish this Miss..."

At this, Kadan looked down the list of his student's names, and finally landed on one that he thought would be good. "Miss Evans."

There was silence throughout the class, and as some of the student's exchanged awkward glances, Kadan looked around at the class, confused. "Well?" he asked, looking around.

James, who was sitting at the back of the class, raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr..."

"Potter," James supplied. "Professor, Evans didn't return to Hogwarts this year."

"Why not?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business," Alice snapped from towards the front of the class.

"Your name is?"

"Alice Prewett," she replied. "Now, Evans isn't here, but I would gladly answer the question for you."

"Please," Kadan answered.

"Well," Alice began, "it's basically just like doing a spell anyway – you actually have to imagine the effect it's going to have as you cast it. And only if you can do that will the spell work. If you imagine it right, you won't have to use the incantation."

"And what advantages does this method of spellcasting bring?"

"Your opponent is unaware of what type of magic you're about to use, giving you that split-second advantage."

"Very good," Kadan replied. "I would like you to practise these incantations for the rest of today's lesson. Get into pairs. One of you will cast a spell on the other; the other should be able to properly deflect it with an _unspoken_ shield charm. Off you go."

James and Sirius immediately headed to the back corner of the classroom, as did Remus and Peter, and Alice and Mary.

"What do you think of him?" Sirius asked Mary. "The teacher."

"I dunno... He's a bit of a -"

"I don't like him," Alice injected. "I mean, he's been nice enough today, but there's just something about him."

"Your instincts are usually pretty good," Mary said doubtfully. "Remember that time in fourth year -"

"That was Lily. I only said it because she didn't want to."

"Oh."

An awkward silence hung over the group of six for a few moments. "I wish Lily had come back," said Peter.

Everybody stared at him.

"What? She was nice!"

"I think you'll find she still is nice," James said. "She's not dead, Wormtail."

Alice's jaw dropped, a sudden thought striking her. "Maybe that's it!"

"Maybe what's what?" Remus asked, glancing at her in confusion.

"What if Lily's sick family member is Lily? What if Lily's dying?"

James felt as though his stomach had been ripped out and torn apart, then jumped upon. He couldn't bear it if Lily died, but he would completely understand why she didn't tell anybody anything if she was.

"Probably not the best thing to say, Prewett," Sirius said. "Come on, Prongs, let's just get on with the classwork." He shot Alice a dirty look before dragging his friend to the other corner.

* * *

"Evans!" Lily's new boss, Anthony Dursley barked. "Come here!"

Lily closed her eyes and cursed silently to herself. She wondered what she'd done wrong this time – if she'd done anything wrong at all! She wasn't at all used to how an office operated, and all the work she'd been given was doing her head in. Dreading what was going to come, she got up from her desk and through a door to her boss' office.

"You asked for me?" she asked.

"Take a seat, please," he said, gesturing to the chair. "Tea? Coffee?"

"No, thank you," Lily answered, bewildered.

"Lily, I feel that since we're going to be working together, we should at least get to know each other a little better. It's better working together when you know something about the other person. Besides, I need a little background information on you for when I have to introduce you as my secretary."

"That sounds like a good idea," Lily replied doubtfully. "So, what do you want to know?"

"Well, where were you born? What's your family like? Why did you want to work for Grunnings?"

"Well, I was born in Surrey," Lily said. This situation was making her feel rather awkward. "My two parents are teachers, and I have one older sister, who I don't really get along that well with..."

"Why not?"

"I got accepted into this really prestigious boarding school in Scotland, on a scholarship, and she didn't even get accepted. She was quite upset about it, and it ruined the relationship that we had."

"What's the school called?"

"St. Jeanine's Academy," Lily said, making up a fancy sounding name on the spot.

"And you're only sixteen... Why did you leave?"

"Personal issues."

"And why did you want to work for Grunnings?"

"Well, the same reason I left school. I need a job close to home in case anything happens, and my house is literally right around the corner – and I like working with people, but not too involved with them, so I thought being a secretary was a good way to go about it. I'm sorry, but this is sounding remarkably like a job interview, and I thought I already had the job."

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Okay, let me tell you a bit about myself. My wife, Patricia, and I have three children. Vernon, the eldest, is your age and goes to Smeltings Academy. You've heard of it, I assume?"

"No, actually," Lily said, "but I'm sure it's a wonderful school."

"It is," Anthony agreed. "And our youngest two, Marjorie and Leanne, are eleven, and starting high school this year. I started Grunnings because I knew that there was a never-ending demand for drills, and for my first job, I was actually working on a construction site, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. What's the thing that you enjoy most in the world?"

"School," Lily answered automatically. As soon as she realised what she'd said, however, she blushed. "That sounds incredibly nerdy of me, I'm sorry," she said.

"You like school? That's good, most people hate it."

"I do like school," Lily said, her voice a very small whisper. "May I be excused?"

"Of course," he said. "In fact, you're done for the day, so why don't you go home?"

"Thank you," she said, and left the office.

For the short walk home, Lily was thinking about what she'd said in her boss' office – she loved school, she really did. So why on Earth would she even have thought about leaving? If her dad was perfectly healthy, she would be there right now. If he hadn't said anything to her and her sister about his illness, she wouldn't be working at a drill company, in a job she didn't particularly enjoy all that much. But her decision to leave school had been for her family, right?

As though fuelled by this notion, Lily walked straight past her house and headed for the hospital to visit her father. Her mother would be there, no doubt. She spent most of her time there, and the school year hadn't started in England yet.

She walked into her father's room this time, and this time she did not break down in tears. She walked straight over to her mother, and whispered something in her ear.

"Okay," Mrs Evans answered, getting up from her seat. "I'll see you later, dear," she said to the both of them.

Lily smiled encouragingly at her dad when her mum had left, but sadness showed in her face, betraying her.

"Lily flower," he smiled. "Are you okay?"

"Dad, what did your parents say when you told them that you wanted to be a teacher?"

He furrowed his brow in concentration. "Well," he started, "they weren't happy at first... But they came around, I guess. They said 'teaching isn't a respectable occupation for a man of your intelligence', but eventually they were saying things like 'he needs to follow his heart'."

"'Follow your heart'?" Lily quoted, turning the words over in her mind.

"What's wrong?" her dad asked, and sounded just like he had when Lily come home on the first day of the Summer holidays, heartbroken. And she felt exactly the same way now as she did then.

"I was talking with Mr Dursley, my boss? And he asked me what the thing I enjoyed most in the world was, and I said school. And do you remember when I told you I was dropping out of Hogwarts, you told me to follow my heart. Well, now I'm wondering if following my heart meant doing what I want to do, or sticking with my family."

"Oh honey," he said, holding a hand up to brush Lily's cheek. "You're too young to be facing a dilemma like that. I told you that you didn't have to stay in London."

"Yes, I know, but I'll feel so guilty if I went back. And besides, I've been away for five years – I wasted any time I could have had with you, and I already feel guilty for that."

"Then don't go back," her dad said. "You should never, ever feel guilty for something that you want to do, so, if you're going to feel guilty, don't go."

"Yeah," Lily said, ignoring the thoughts that had been gnawing at her since she'd left work. "I'll see you later, dad."

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_Are you crazy? Of course I forgive you! You're my best friend, and nothing will ever happen for that to change. I'm really disappointed that you're not coming back, and so is most of the class. Just one question about this – you're not dying, are you? Because if you are, I know a lot of people that would break out of this place and WALK to your house just to see you. You may not know it, Lily, but everybody here loves you._

_You know that weird thing where the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher only lasts a year? Well, the new one is called Professor Kadan, and I don't really like him. Mary reckons I was crazy, but there's just something about him. I mean, I don't think he's evil or anything, but he's just not very nice. _

_Anyway, if you're going to change your mind and come back, please do it soon. If you're not going to change your mind, just remember that I'm here for you, and so is Mary, so you can talk to us anytime. Please reply saying you're not dying. _

_Love, Alice._

_PS: How are you liking your new job?_

**Hey guys, how are you? Like the chapter?**

**It's weird, I'm still having trouble believing that I only started this story less than two days ago - it feels like so much longer. But then, maybe I've been working on it subconsciously, because it's all coming so easily to me. Anyway, thanks to the people who reviewed the last chapter... Lycoris B and princessofdarkness23.**

**The fact that you guys even read my story means a lot to me - and if you have any suggestions, questions, criticism, or would just like to say hi so that I know who's reading, I would really, really love it. At the moment, writing is my number one priority and pastime, so feedback is greatly appreciated!**

**Thanks again for reading,**

**Love, gabiellexx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Just Keep Breathing: Chapter Four**

_Alice,_

_What on earth makes you think I'm dying? I'm not dying..._

_However, on the subject, I do feel obliged now to tell you that my father has a disease called cancer, and it's not looking good for him. He's in hospital at the moment having treatment, but I still don't think he's going to make it until Christmas. But, I have been wrong before, so don't quote me on that. I read every single one of your letters that were unopened when you visited. I should have read them earlier – you're brilliant at putting a smile on my face, and that would have been exactly what I needed._

_Anyway, my dad being sick is the reason I'm staying home at the moment, but I do think I'll return to Hogwarts eventually. I actually feel really guilty as well, I think I mentioned that in the last letter._

_Professor Kadan? I think I recognise the last name from somewhere, but if you don't like him, then I probably won't either. Which is a shame. I find that people learn better when they have a nice teacher, and that's not just because my parents are teachers! _

_How is everybody at Hogwarts? I hate finding out people miss me – I mean, I know, it makes me happy to know that I'm important enough to somebody to be missed, but it also makes me feel guilty for not being there._

_And no, I'm not really enjoying my job. Mr Dursley, my boss, keeps talking about drills, and other tools, and he keeps bragging about his kids. I wouldn't mind it if we actually had something in common, but the only thing I can talk about when mentioning tools is Potter, and I don't have any kids! It gets really annoying, because he's all like "so, what's going on with your life?", and I'm just sort of like "... Work?" _

_Hopefully things will get better over here. Please continue updating me on what's happening at Hogwarts, I really miss it there. _

_I love you, very mcuh,_

_Lil.E_

_

* * *

_

Alice read the letter awkwardly at the Gryffindor table on the morning of the second Thursday of school. Had she known that, she wouldn't have been so mean. But then, Lily hadn't told her, so how was she to know? Feeling a little bit guilty regardless, Alice tucked the letter into the inner pocket of her robes.

"Letter from Evans?" James asked eagerly as he sat down beside her.

"No," Alice lied, convincingly though.

"You haven't heard anything?" Sirius asked, sitting down opposite them. Frank was sitting on Alice's other side.

"No, I haven't," Alice said, trying to tell them that the conversation was over.

"But you sent the letter over a week ago!" James complained. "Do you think she's slumped into depression again? Should we go and visit her? Maybe she was dying, and she's already dead!"

"NO!" Alice yelled, and the entire population of the Great Hall turned to stare at her. She lowered her voice and whispered, "James Potter, you will stay away from Lily Evans, is that understood?"

James glanced down nervously, and Alice's eyes followed: she had unknowingly grabbed his tie and was tugging on it, suffocating him. "Yeah, I understand," he choked. Alice dropped the tie, and, grabbing the copy of _The Daily Prophet_ that had been delivered this morning, she stormed out of the hall, everybody looking after her. She may have snapped at James, but she felt that at this point, it would be better for him to stay away from her.

* * *

Lily had reached her breaking point. Her new routine of going to work in the morning and coming home at night was driving her insane. Despite her need to organise things, and the need for everything to be planned perfectly, Lily desperately hoped that something would go wrong; she needed it. It was as strong a need as water was. The only reason she loved to organise things was to test herself when they went dreadfully wrong.

And this new job of hers was exactly the same every single day. Send out letters to other companies and clients, file invoices, answer phones and patch them through to the boss. There was too much sameness in her life at the moment. She was being deprived of her learning experience.

This didn't go unnoticed by Petunia, who went to her own job everyday. But Petunia, unlike Lily, had no need for things to be unexpected. What Petunia needed was sameness and _she_ was the one that was unable to handle it when things went wrong.

"Lily," Petunia said while they were eating dinner one night. "You know what I realised? We've sort of switched personalities."

Lily glanced at her, pausing in the middle of cutting a roast potato. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, you're usually good at dealing with things when they go wrong. I'm not."

"Your point?" Lily asked, resuming her activity.

"When we found out about dad, you broke down, and I was the one that was better at dealing with it."

Lily thought about it for a moment. What Petunia said did have an element of truth to it, but Lily knew that it was_ guilt_ that was the difference. Petunia had gone to the public school and come home from it every day. She was always here for her parents, and even if she stayed over at a friend's house, she was still nearby. Lily went to a boarding school, in Scotland. Even if Lily found out about something, it had probably happened one or two days before, and then by the time she left school, it would still take her approximately four hours to get home (via Knight Bus) because there was no way she was going to take a Portkey. And not only that, but for nine months out of the year, Lily was at Hogwarts, which meant that there was only one quarter of the year that she was there for her parents.

She expressed this to Petunia. "So, you see," she finished, "this is a completely different situation."

"Did you start feeling guilty before or after you decided to leave that school of yours?"

"Before, of course," Lily replied.

"I don't think you did," Petunia said, but so quietly that Lily couldn't hear her. "You got a letter today," she added, this time so that she was audible.

"Oh, really? Where is it?"

"I put it on your desk, along with all your other unopened ones."

Lily groaned. Unfailingly, Severus had sent her exactly one letter every two days, even though she thought she'd made it painfully clear that she wasn't talking to him anymore, whether face to face or through letter correspondence. Now feeling slightly sick, Lily left her dinner unfinished on the table and went up to her bedroom to read.

She placed her bag on her bed and sat down at her desk, dreading what she was about to do. Then she looked, really looked, at the stack of letters from Severus Snape.

"Crap," she said, and pulled out a piece of paper.

_Dear Sev,_ she wrote.

_I know, you're trying to apologise. I'm not going to forgive you. You know, if we were really friends, then you wouldn't have said something like that. So I have two muggle parents? Does that really change what kind of person I am, or how talented or untalented I am at magic? And, if things like parentage do somehow come into the equation, maybe I should inform everybody about _your _parentage. I would do it, mark my words, Severus. _

_Please, stop writing to me. I haven't even opened one of your letters, and as a matter of fact, I'm saving them up to burn them in the fire when it gets too cold. _

_Leave. Me. Alone._

_From Lily._

Sighing, glad to have that off her chest, she picked up an envelope and slipped the letter in, writing 'Severus Snape' on the front, and left it on her desk for when the next owl came from Hogwarts. Then she started sorting out the things on her desk – she'd neglected everything lately, so it all needed sorting. When she was done, she had a small in-tray labelled 'firewood', with three stacks of letters from her former best friend, and three other letters.

Two were from Hogwarts – one was the customary booklist and ticket for the train. She started reading this one, and when she was done, she posted the booklist to an old pin up board above her bed, which also housed the Gyffindor flag, and moving pictures of her and her friends. She took down the ones with her and Severus. They weren't friends anymore, so why did they need to be there? Everything in her room that had something to do with Severus Snape was getting destroyed in one way or another.

The second letter from Hogwarts was a personal letter from the Headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore.

_Miss Evans,_

_It has been brought to my attention by several of your teachers that you have failed to return to Hogwarts for the school year. Your friend, Miss Prewett, has informed me that it is because of a family-related issue. I understand your position, and I hope everything goes well for your family in this time._

_If you wish to continue your magical education in your absence, I am more than happy to let you do so, all you would be missing is the practical aspects (which, in your case, I am not worried about in the slightest). I wish you a safe and happy return when you decide the time has come._

_Professor Albus Dumbledore._

Lily beamed: she knew that a genius like Dumbledore wouldn't let her get away with something like that. This opened up a new opportunity to her. Not only could she stay at home with her family, but she could also continue learning magic!

Then she remembered something, and her confidence deflated. She was still unsure whether she was in control of her magic, or if it had left her completely. She took out her pen and paper again, and penned a reply.

_Professor,_

_About magic – I was wondering if you could give me an answer to a question I have. Can it ever truly leave you? I mean, does there ever come a day when it just decides to get up and leave, and it never comes back? It's just that, ever since I got the news that my dad was dying, I've noticed that I haven't been completely... there. And I was wondering if that was it. _

_Either way, I would be delighted to continue learning from home. Just tell me what I need to do, and I will do it._

_Thank you very much,_

_Lily Evans._

She put this letter to the side as well, and pulled out another pice of paper, on which she wrote 'go to Diagon Alley', and stuck this to her pin-up board. She would make a special trip tomorrow.

Now, Lily turned her attention to the third letter. This one, unlike the other two, had come through Muggle post, so was stamped and addressed correctly. Confused, as there was no return address, Lily ripped it open, to find an invitation staring up at her from the desk.

"A birthday party?" she asked herself, bewildered. She scanned through it, and afterwards, she felt even more confused than she had before. Her boss had invited her to his son's seventeenth birthday party.

**Hey guys! It's currently one in the morning while I'm editing this, ready for it to go up on the site, so excuse any mistakes I might have made. And for those of you that read the last chapter before I changed it - I'm sorry! I just mixed up a name and age, so I changed Kimberly to Marjorie, and they're not five, they're eleven. I was just sitting there, and I was like "... Vernon has a sister called Marge... shoot!" and scrambled to change it before any lasting damage was done.**

**Enough about me though! Big, big thank you to my lovely reviewers, _You're a fish ass_ and _Jessluvsharry_. Also thanks to Jessluvsharry for her belated review on Chapter Two, but you reviewed it anyway, instead of waiting! **

**Just one more small question - has anybody ever received a mosquito bite in their belly button? Is that even possible? o.O**

**Oh well. Leave any questions, comments, criticisms and thoughts in my inbox by pressing the 'review' button.**

**Love always, gabiellexx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Just Keep Breathing: Chapter Five**

"So," James asked Remus two days later Quidditch tryouts, which he'd been running. "Did you find anything out from Alice or Mary? Do you know what's happening with Lily?"

"I said one word to Alice during break, and she almost cut my head off and said to tell you to stop annoying her, she's not going to tell you anything."

"Damn," he said, taking a pie from the middle of the table.

"How was tryouts?" Remus asked.

"Horrible," Sirius replied, sidling into his own seat. He was the Seeker on the House team, James was Chaser, and captain. "One of the second years didn't know how to fly the broom properly and ran into the stands. He's not getting a spot on the team, put it that way."

"Sorry," Remus said. "Well, I would try out, but you know that affliction I have which means I can't play."

"What affliction?" Alice asked, sitting down next to him. "I've never heard of any 'affliction' you have that prevents you from playing Quidditch."

"Oh, I just... can't rise above a certain altitude, or my... ears explode," Remus lied. "Yeah, it really sucks, because I really enjoy Quidditch."

"Yeah, that is a shame," Alice said knowingly. "I'm sorry about earlier today, by the way. It's just that I told James to drop it, and he obviously still hasn't."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said, shaking his head. "I was only trying to help out a friend."

At that moment, a barn owl with dark spots swooped in through the roof and up to the Headmaster's spot at the teacher's table. Out of the four of them, Alice was the only one that noticed it – but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, so she began to turn away.

Until she saw that Professor Dumbledore had taken from the owl one of two letters, which was enveloped in plain muggle stationery. The owl then flew from the teacher's table to the Slytherin table, and settled itself in front of one Severus Snape, who snatched the letter up eagerly and ripped it open.

Alice looked at him cautiously – she had a very good feeling that this was a letter from Lily, and she wasn't going to be nice to him in it. Indeed, just a minute after his elation at contact, he was furious, and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked, following Alice's gaze.

"Who cares?" James shrugged. "It's Snivellus."

"Lily," Alice whispered.

"What?" the other three asked.

"Oh, he just got a letter from Lily," Alice told them.

"Wait, so why does he get one, and not us?" James objected.

"_I_ did get a letter from her," Alice confessed. "On Thursday, just before I almost killed you."

"Oh," he said, his face falling. "I remember that... So, why did you try and kill me if you got a letter from her?"

"James, it's actually none of your business what's going on in Lily's life at the moment, okay?" Alice told him. "You're not her friend, which she made perfectly clear to you last year."

"Ouch, Prewett."

"It's true," she said. "In fact, this obsession you have with her is kind of creepy – you asked her out every single day last year."

"In the hope that one day she'd say yes," James explained.

"Well, stop it, because it's annoying. Anyway, it takes a lot for her to trust people, and especially after what happened at the end of last year, it's going to take a lot more. Until you can prove to her that you can be trusted, she's going to hate you."

"Challenge accepted," James grinned. He took one last mouthful of his pie and then skipped out of the hall.

* * *

"Lily, did you get that invitation?" Mr Dursley asked on the Monday of the next week.

"To Vernon's birthday party?" Lily clarified. "Yes, I did."

"Well? Would you like to go?"

"That would be nice," Lily said, "but I would feel awfully awkward. I mean – I wouldn't know anybody."

"Well, I suppose you can bring somebody if you like."

Lily pretended to think about it for a moment. "Yeah, okay, I'll go," she smiled.

"Excellent!" Mr Dursley beamed, dropping a stack of paper's on her desk. "I need you to file these for me, please."

"Of course," Lily said, trying not to betray any emotion but happiness – of course she was happy to file things for him, he was paying her, right?

For some reason, she didn't quite believe this.

* * *

When she arrived home that night, a parcel was waiting for her on the kitchen bench. Recognising what it was, she squealed with delight.

"Lily!" Petunia barked. "What are you so excited about?"

"Professor Dumbledore sent me all my school work!" Lily replied, jumping up and down.

"I'm sorry, you're excited about school work?" Petunia clarified. "I fail to see how one can be happy about receiving a parcel containing three weeks worth of work that they've missed."

"You are not me, obviously," Lily replied, taking it upstairs. She immediately opened it up, and started working on the earliest work. She'd already read through all her school books, which she'd bought on Saturday, so this was going to be easy.

"Write an essay on Veritaserum," she read from the first piece of paper, from Professor Slughorn. "Shoot," she said, when she realised that while she was at home, she did not have the entire school library at her disposal. "This is going to be more difficult than I thought."

* * *

"Okay, Padfoot, how does this sound?" James asked, reciting a passage from a piece of paper he had in his hand.

"Like you're trying too hard," Sirius replied. "Oh, wait..."

"Come on, I really want Lily to be able to trust me."

"Prongs, if it's meant to be, it'll happen, okay? Just keep in mind that if she doesn't come back, you're probably never going to see her again."

"Don't, say that," James said threateningly. "She's coming back, okay? I know it."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Sirius said. "Well, that is, if we're going with your theory that she's _dying_."

"She can't be dying!" James complained. "I refuse to believe it!"

"She's not dying," Sirius chuckled. "Honestly, James, chill out."

"How do you _know_ she's not dying, though?" he asked.

"I – know her," Sirius replied, instantly realising he'd made a mistake.

"You're lying," James pounced. "Alice told you something, didn't she? What did she tell you?"

"Prongs, I promised I wouldn't tell," Sirius said defensively. "Alice can be scary if you piss her off."

"I'm well aware of that," James said, "and I also know that I can get pretty scary if you hide something from me!"

"Okay!" Sirius surrendered. "The other day, Alice came up to me asking me a question about a pretty nasty muggle disease -"

"Lily _is _dying," James wailed.

Sirius almost slapped him. "Lily is not dying," he assured his friend, holding his shoulders for emphasis. "Now, Alice asked me about this nasty muggle disease, and so I told her what I knew..."

"Why was she asking about the disease?"

"Because Lily's dad has it," Sirius answered. "Lily told Alice in her latest letter, and Alice wanted to know more about it. Basically, it doesn't look good for Lily's dad, and that's why she hasn't come back. So we were right all along – Lily had a sick family member."

"That... really sucks," James said, sitting back down in the armchair by the fire. "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a parent."

"I wouldn't mind if I lost my parents," Sirius said indifferently. "In fact, I'd be thrilled. I'm thinking of running away. You've got a spare bedroom in your house, right, Prongs?"

"Yeah, actually," James said, grinning. "Why, thinking of moving in?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Sirius shrugged. "My house is suffocating me."

There was a soft knocking at the window, and one of the third-years opened it up to let the owl in. Once inside, it soared straight to James and held out it's leg.

"Thank you," James said to the bird, confused. After he took the letter, the bird took off, and James opened up the light pink envelope.

_Potter,_

_Just so you know, I'm absolutely despising myself for writing to you right now. No doubt Alice has told you about my situation, and why I'm staying at home. Well, I haven't told her this bit yet, but Dumbledore's letting me continue my education at home, so he's sent me everything I've missed. My one problem is that I don't have access to the library from where I am, so it's going to be a lot harder to do the homework I've been set._

_So, I was wondering, because you're the second top in the year, if I would be able to borrow your notes for all the homework you've done so far this year. I would really appreciate it._

_Remember, this doesn't mean I even remotely like you. I'm asking purely because of the fact that you're actually quite good at your school work, and my best bet at getting through this._

_Evans._

_Also, please don't tell Alice about me continuing my studies... Something is telling me that I shouldn't tell her._

"What are you grinning about?" Sirius asked, concerned. "Padfoot?"

James looked up from the letter. "You know how I was going to try and get Evans to talk to me by sending her a letter?"

"Mmm," Sirius said, failing to see where this was going.

"Well, turns out I didn't need to. She initiated conversation!"

"Saying what? I love you, James Potter and will you marry me?"

"Ha, ha," James said, rolling his eyes. "No, she was asking for notes for all the homework we've done so far. Typical, she gets out of school, and she still wants to do the work! She's bloody nuts, I tell you."

"So, are you going to give her the notes?"

"Yeah, I guess," James said. "Maybe we'll become friends this way?"

"Keep dreaming, Prongs. Keep dreaming."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Lily asked Petunia a week later. "You look a little... peaky."

"I'm fine," Petunia said. Lily could tell she wasn't. Her sinuses were quite obviously blocked, she had a fever, and she was rugged up on the couch.

"We need to get you to the hospital," Lily told her when she'd put the back of her hand to Petunia's forehead. "This really isn't good. I'll call work."

"I'm fine," Petunia repeated.

Lily dialled Petunia's work first. "Holdsworth Industries, may I help you?"

"Oh, hi," Lily answered nervously. "My name's Lily Evans, I'm Petunia's sister."

"Oh, she's not here at the moment," the secretary said.

"I know, she's here... Um, she's not going to be able to make it in today... I think she has the flu, and I'm going to take her to the hospital... I just thought I should let you know."

"Thank you for that, Lila," the woman said.

"It's Lily, and that's fine," she said. "Bye."

"Bye!"

The secretary seemed overly cheery since Lily had mentioned Petunia wasn't coming in. Did they not like her there? As far as Lily knew, Petunia was a perfectly lovely person, despite the fact that they hadn't really gotten along in the past five years.

She rang her own work phone next.

"Grunnings, this is Mr Dursley, how may I help you?"

"Anthony, it's Lily," she answered. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make it in today – my sister's really sick, and I need to take her to the hospital."

"That's a shame," her boss answered. "Well, you take the day off, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you then," Lily said, surprised that she hadn't been yelled at. But she knew that there was going to be a huge pile of work to catch up on tomorrow.

And then Lily realised that for the first time in a while, she was in her element: taking control when things went wrong.

**Ola :)  
So, I think things are going to start getting interesting soon. Do you get that feeling? **

**Some people asked me to continue this story - of course I will! I know you're scared that I'll just stop it suddenly without any warning - and I know the feeling. It's horrible, isn't it? Waiting for an update that never comes, and then when you finally forget about the story, there's an email saying 'hey there's a new chapter of _', and then you're like "I don't remember what happened, looks like I'll have to read it all again."**

**Anyway, my point is, I'll try not to do it to you guys with this one.**

**Thanks to my latest reviewers:**

**Purple Painted Toenails  
Jessluvsharry  
****my starry eyes  
****weasleytwins12**

**And for those of you currently wondering: I do not have a mosquito bite in my belly button (that's probably too much information, sorry about that). No, my dad bought the wrong washing powder, and I'm allergic to it, so basically all of my clothes are going to drive me insane for a while. I might buy some that doesn't make me itch tomorrow when I go Christmas shopping****.**

**What are you guys doing for Christmas? Or any other holiday that you might celebrate at this time of the year (I feel extremely uneducated, all I know of other than Christmas is Hannukah and Yule. What do you celebrate?) I'm just going to be home with my co-inhabitants, as my grandparents are going to Thailand, and my mum's sister is going to visit my mum's half-sister in Melbourne, and I think my dad's sister is going to her husband's parents... **

**Remember, any thoughts, comments, criticism, reviews and questions are amazingly welcome in my inbox, so please put them in there!**

**Love always, and Happy Holidays :), gabiellexx **


	6. Chapter 6

"Thank you," Lily said disappointedly to the nurse who'd just informed her of Petunia's situation. She'd had a severe allergic reaction to a chocolate bar that had nuts in it that she'd eaten for breakfast. Being fatally allergic to nuts, that had probably not been an incredibly intelligent idea on Petunia's behalf, but Lily had realised just in time. She'd also driven to the hospital without a licence, but the emergency nurses had said they would overlook that because it saved her sister's life.

Petunia, however, would have to stay in hospital for a few more days. As she already had today off work, Lily stayed with her sister in the hospital room, even though her sister was unconscious, and not extremely entertaining company. She'd been there for about three hours when there was a tapping at the window, and a tawny owl that she recognised as James' was waiting impatiently to be let in to drop off the package, which Lily assumed would be quite heavy.

She looked apologetically at the bird, and then whispered "Go to the courtyard, it'll be empty."

The owl hooted feebly, then flew away. Lily glanced at her sister and then left the room, also heading to the courtyard to receive the package. It was hiding in a bush to the side when she got there, and she quickly untied the heavy package from it's leg.

"Tell James I'll reply with another owl," Lily said to it, before it flew off. She carried the package all the way back to her sister's room before ripping it open.

Sitting on top was a letter from James.

_Evans,_

_Sorry about the late reply. It took me a while to round up all my notes (as in, find some, then write the rest out for you), and this N.E.W.T work is overloading every single person in our year. Not only that, but the Quidditch season has started, which means that I have to incorporate practices as well as all the homework. Oh, and just so you know, Mary's been taking over your prefect duties while you've been away – I don't think she deserves it, but as you're not here..._

_Okay listen... I'm really sorry about what happened at the end of last year. I can't imagine losing a friend like Sirius, so I honestly have no idea what you're going through, and I hate to think that I was the cause of it. Even if I wasn't, I'm sorry anyway. And Alice told me of no such reason you weren't here, but Sirius heard from Alice what was going on, and eventually surrendered the information to me. Which brings me to my next question: why don't you want to tell Alice about you studying from home? I'm sure she'd be delighted to hear the news, and she's going to find out eventually anyway... But it is your choice._

_I hope everything goes well with your new job, and I'm sorry about your dad. I'll only be a letter away if you need to talk, and I'm always happy to help you out. _

_Sincerely,_

_Potter._

Lily smiled in spite of herself at this, and she didn't know why. Was it because James had apologised to her, sincerely, for the first time in forever? Was it because he'd offered a shoulder for her to cry on (figuratively) if she ever needed it? Or was it because he'd given her the notes that she'd asked for.

She put the letter to one side, and picked up a blank piece of parchment. Underneath this was another note from James

_Please use the blank parchment I sent you if you're going to send a reply. Padfoot picked on me for the entire week about the pink paper, and I never want that to happen again... He turned my underpants pink!_

_You probably didn't need to know that..._

_J.P._

Lily giggled softly. She decided that she was glad of contact from somebody at Hogwarts that wasn't Severus or Alice.

* * *

When she got home that day, she found another parcel on the doorstep, no doubt the work from the previous week that Lily had missed. She groaned inwardly – not only did she have the first lot to do, but she now had another week, as well as getting more work at work for the week. She felt that she would be insane by the end of the week. She picked up the parcel and went straight upstairs – the hospital had offered her a free meal, which she'd taken gladly, not feeling up to cooking for herself – where she wrote a reply to James.

* * *

_Potter_, James read out.

_Thank you so much for sending the notes! And I noticed that you sent last weeks as well! I'll need them after the day I've had._

_Thank you for apologising, but I don't think I'm ready to forgive you just yet. I think I should remind you that I'm only speaking to you for one purpose: because I need the notes, and I know you'll help me out. _

_Remember, please don't tell Alice._

_Sincerely,_

_Evans._

"She didn't forgive me," he said, defeated.

"Give it time, Prongs," Sirius said from his own bed. "Look, we've pretty much been jerks to her since we met her and Sniv since we met them, so naturally it's going to take a while for her to forgive you."

"Don't you want her to forgive you as well?" James asked.

"No," Sirius shrugged.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not in love with her."

"That's not the point! When you do something bad, you're supposed to feel bad about it, and it's not going to go away until you're forgiven. Maybe your family has rubbed off on you after all." James sounded concerned.  
Sirius sat straight up in bed and was pointing his wand at James.

"Never compare me to them again," he hissed.

James nodded, noting the striking similarity between him and his older cousin at this point: if anybody said anything that insulted them, they would raise their wands. "I'm sorry," James said.

"Good." Sirius relaxed again. "Can you believe it's almost October already? I feel as though we've barely been here a week!"

"I feel like it's been longer," James groaned. "What with all the homework and everything."

Peter now popped his head in through the dormitory door. "Guys, what's an animagus?" he asked. "It's for my Transfiguration homework."

James and Sirius raised their eyebrows to each other, a challenge as to who was going to explain it. Sirius laughed first, so lost, and so had to explain to Peter what an animagus was, and that his friends were animagi, and that he was trying to become one.

The bespectacled boy read over the letter again. "_'I know you'll help me out'_," he quoted. "Hmm."

* * *

"How's your sister?" Anthony asked Lily the next day at lunch.

"She's alive," Lily answered, happily. "Uh, sorry again about yesterday. It's just... she's my sister. And, if I hadn't, she could have died."

"Then it's good you took the day off then. Catching up with your work well enough?"

"Yeah," Lily nodded, before turning her attention back to the magazine in front of her.

"What are you doing?"

"Crossword," she answered, looking at the clue for ten across: non-magical person. Then nine down: current headmaster of Hogwarts. Confused, she flicked to the cover, where the words _The Quibbler_ were penned in fancy script.

"Delightful magazine," Mr Dursley commented. "Editor seems to think things like magic is real... I remember reading once an article about dragons being domesticated illegally in West Scotland. It's all absurd, of course, but it makes for a good read."

"Who brings it in?" Lily asked. She'd heard of it all right. One of the students that had graduated two years ago, Xenophilius Lovegood – his father was the editor.

"Arabella Figg, in Human Relations," her boss shrugged. "Why?"

"Just curious," Lily said, taking the magazine away with her.

Anthony turned to look at the other person in the tea room. "She's strange," he decided.

* * *

"Are you feeling okay?" Lily asked Petunia when she called her form home that night. "Sorry I can't come in – I've got all this work to catch up on."

"That's okay," Petunia said, sounding as though she didn't mind being alone. "Yeah, I'm feeling better, Doctor Hargrave told me what happened. I guess I kind of have to thank you?"

"Don't worry about it," Lily shrugged. "You're alive, right? That's mostly thanks to the doctors than to me."

"Whatever," Petunia shrugged. "So what's all this extra work? Is it from work?"

"No," Lily sighed. "It's my school work. I didn't do my last weeks work last week because I didn't have any notes, so now I have two weeks to do. I don't know if I'll be able to cope."

"Then don't do it," Petunia suggested.

"That's ridiculous, of course I'm going to do it. If I don't, I'll never be able to catch up when I go back."

"I thought you weren't going back."

"_If_ I go back," Lily corrected. "Look, I'd better go get stuck into this work. I was just making sure you were okay."

"Bye," Petunia said, with no enthusiasm. Lily wasn't so enthusiastic either. She pulled out the essay on Veritaserum that she'd started the previous day.

OO

Defence Against the Dark Arts the following day consisted of writing notes from the board about werewolves. They'd covered it in detail last year, but their Professor seemed to think that a refresher course was in order. James, Sirius and Remus neglected to take the notes, and were passing notes to each other.

"Mr Potter, kindly inform me why you are not doing the work assigned to you."

James looked around. "Okay," he said, chuckling. "Well, as it happens, I have these notes stashed away in my dormitory, and read them over every night."

Most of the class stifled laughter. In the past few weeks, they'd learnt that their new professor was extremely strict, and had no problem issuing detentions to smart-arse students such as James Potter.

"Okay, not every night, but I know quite a lot about werewolves," James said.

"Alright, what does the werewolf respond to?"

"Most people will say it's only the call of it's own kind, but I reckon that if you hit it over the head with a plank, it would respond to that too... by ripping your throat out, but it is a response."

More laughter from the class.

"Detention, Mr Potter."

"Why?" Alice asked, as he walked away.

"Drop it, Prewett," Sirius warned.

"Detention for you too, Miss Prewett. Would anybody else like one?"

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, and carefully raised their hands. The rest of the Gyffindors in the room followed, followed by the Hufflepuffs, then the Ravenclaws. The five Slytherins kept their hands firmly on their desks.

"Very well," he said, recognising the protest. "No detentions today. But I will not take kindly to another display such as this, is that understood?"

The class remained silent, and continued taking their notes.

* * *

**Guys! I feel so rotten! After my big speech last chapter about not leaving you without more updates! I'm so horrible, I'm sorry! But, here's a new chapter, so that's good, right?**

**About the last bit - it'll come up later in the story. You're probably thinking "why on earth was that bit in there?"**

**Well, I was actually going to have a bit with Severus talking (huh...) to James, but I'm going to put that in a later chapter for you. Promise :)**

**Anyway, with it only being less than one week until Christmas, I've had lots of hours at work, and even got called in for an extra shift! (YAY! More money, right?), so I guess that's my pathetic and measly excuse for not updating. But, after Christmas especially, updates should become a lot more regular.**

**Oh, and some exciting news for me came on Thursday. As long as my exam results are good, I'll be attending WAAPA (the West Australian Academy of Performing Arts) come February. I'm fairly confident they'll be good. But yeah, it's like, the best place to study the performing arts in Western Australia, so I'm pretty excited.**

**Anyways, Happy Holidays, and hopefully I'll have another update soon!**


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